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last night, the first and last first black president of theunited states said his good-bye to 20,000of his closest friends. and you could tell obama was really the presidentof millennials, because the entire speechseemed like one giant subtweet. -(cheering)-democracy does require... a basic sense of solidarity. we weaken those tieswhen we define some of us

as more american than others. ...when we sit back and blame the leaders we elect without examining our own rolein electing them. it falls to each of us to be those anxious, jealousguardians of our democracy. if something needs fixing, then lace up your shoesand do some organizing. if you're tired of arguingwith strangers on the internet,

try talking with one of themin real life. (laughter) okay, this guy has clearlynever been catfished before. look, i don't say this often, but i do not agreewith the president. do not meet people that you'veargued with on the internet. it will end with you bleedingin an alley. -(laughter)-don't do it. don't do it. you know, last night's speechfelt less

like a farewell address, and more like a parentwho's going on vacation telling his kids how to behavewhile he's away. he's like,"right, american kids, "um, uh, race relations-- "you'll find thosein the fridge. "uh, make sure you knowthe supreme court justice "before you let him in. "uh, and, uh, your baby-sitter--yeah, uh, he's coming soon.

"uh, stop complaining.you chose him. you chose him. "do what he says, butif he asks you to take a shower, "you should probably say no.probably say no. that's what you should do,probably say no." can i just take a second here,guys? like, how is...how is all of this real? no. like, how is this politics? how is thiswhat we're talking about? 'cause what happened yesterday--

i mean, you could not havea bigger juxtaposition between the presidentamerica is losing and the presidentamerica is gaining. like, did you knowthat last night, the number one trending topic ontwitter was "obama farewell." and the second trending topic-- no kidding--was "golden showers." now, i don't know if i need to,but i'll explain anyway. last night, right aboutwhen obama was speaking,

buzzfeed leakedan unconfirmed report that claimed that russia hasblackmail material on donald trump which includesdamaging financial and personal details about him. now, if it's true, the financialstuff is bad enough, but the personal is what's gotthe people going, because it claims that donald trumponce visited russia, stayed in the ritz-carltonin moscow,

and then hired prostitutesto perform a golden shower. and that russia might havethe whole thing on tape. yeah, and now,we don't know if this is true. but if the donald couldshake america to its core with an audio tape, imagine what he could dowith video. you know whatthe worst part of the story is? because the storytrended worldwide, -this morning, i got a call...-(laughter)

oh, is...are you looking at that? i can't front, it's funny,i can't front, it is. i'll-i'll tell you whythis is the worst thing for me. because this morning i gota call from my african uncle with a question. he was like, (african accent):"trevor... what is a golden shower?" "yes. mm-hmm.

"and then? but i thought you guyshad toilets over there." now, just to be clear, thereis no proof any of this is true. but because it's donald trump, it feels like anythingis possible. i mean, this is the same personwho grabs pussies. he walks in on girlsgetting changed. and if you were to choosea sexual act that donald trump prefers,it would probably be the one

with "gold" in the title. you'd think...and it all makes sense. and now, because of this,everything from trump's past takes on a different meaning. like his hotel adfrom a few years ago where he says that he nevermisses a "golden opportunity." -(laughter)-that's his own ad! all of this,all of this is like keyser sã¶ze, like-like now we flash backthrough everything,

and suddenly we realizewhat, maybe, it all meant. like for instance, remember howtrump had that weird business where people hadto send him their pee? newsman: the trump network relied on participants to sell health supplements and other products person to person. newswoman: a key product was personalized vitamins, supposedly tailored to each customer after they sent their urine to a lab for analysis.

(audience groaning) now, look, now, look,that seems disgusting, but at least back then donaldtrump was getting american pee. now he's outsourcing itto russia. and again, and again,this is all unsubstantiated. right? and we shouldn'tbe wasting our time here. but what elsecan you talk about? what elsecan you talk about today? i mean, what, you'regonna talk about jeff sessions

being nominatedfor attorney general and the fact that republicansare trying to confirm a man with a historyof opposing civil rights to run the justice department? we could talk about that,but how can you concentrate on anything...when you hear about trump possibly being involvedin water sports and then you see this? (others laughing,clapping, whooping)

-woman: wow!-(trump groans) -was that water?-(laughter) because thenthat's a real challenge. #trumpchallenge.don't send us your videos. -i, uh...-(laughter) i feel so bad for donald trump, because now every single memoryof his is gonna be tarnished. like this momentfrom the debates. i would bring backwaterboarding,

and i'd bring back a hell ofa lot worse than waterboarding. (laughter, groaning) noah: this poor guy,he can't even be celebrated without us thinkinghe's getting peed on. newsman: president-elect donald trump left trump tower this morning... bound for the airport where his plane was given a so-called "water salute." a "water salute."

now, you see, i want to believe that trump was sittingin his chair and not standingat the cockpit window like... i feel like if trumpshakes his head, his hair will stayin the same place. and, you know what, i...i personally think it's terrible that people are spreadingan unconfirmed rumor that donald trump likesgolden showers. it's disgusting!

it would be like suggestingthat president obama was a secret muslimborn in kenya. or suggesting thathillary clinton was a murderer. or saying that ted cruz's dadkilled john f. kennedy, which is not true! only thing he killedwas his smile. how could anyone justifyspreading rumors they know are completely false? all i did is point out the fact

that on the coverof the national enquirer there's a pictureof her... him... and crazy lee harvey oswald... i'm not saying he did it, but i'm just sayingit was all over the place. was there a birth certificate?you tell me. you know, some people say thatwas not his birth certificate. i'm saying i don't know.nobody knows. exactly. nobody knows.

so did donald trump payprostitutes for a golden shower? i don't know. -nobody knows.-(laughter) but a lot of people are talking.